Choices

My boss stopped me in the hall to ask me a question. She said the foundation was looking for a way to do more for the hospice clients and their families. The idea was brought up to provide massage in some way for the primary care giver, and she wondered what I thought of this idea and if I could think of a way to implement it.

I'm initially excited by this idea. Admittedly, I am frustrated by my job right now and need some sort of change. The source of most of my frustration is that the three main clients that I see, don't talk. They barely acknowledge my existence. It's hard to convince yourself that they even know you are there and that they are benefiting for your service. In fact, one of them seems to wish I wasn't there, but she can't talk to tell me to buzz off, and she has such severe contractures that she can hardly move as it is. Although I give a lot of myself for this job without complaint, I am not completely selfless, I need to have some measure of progress.

In the last 6 months I have had these same three clients. There are no stories to tell about them because nothing changes, except maybe the room they are in or the color of the blanket on their bed. I have had new clients of course, but most of them have passed away with in a couple weeks, leaving me back with these three clients who are still with us despite the prediction that they would not be.

The thought of mixing the work with the caregivers seems like it would be a good way to bring some satisfaction to the job. I've been wanting to work with the caregivers since I started this job. They need massage just as much as the clients. I haven't figured out how it work, though. It would mean cutting back on my private practice, and I'm not willing to do that. So here I am left with a choice of being unhappy because one job is frusterating, or changing that job and being unhappy because I don't have time for my other clients.

I still have to think about this.