Several thoughts, really.

In the last month or so, I've thought about quitting almost everyday. I don't like this feeling.

Often I feel like I don't know what I'm doing, but I know that isn't true. I also know that there is high turn around in this area because of the stress and 'emotional' toll it takes on a person. If I quit now, it will be because I couldn't hack it... I don't like this feeling either.

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Meeting people who are dying is interesting because they are not the people they once were. Today I was at a client's room working with her, when I noticed a photo of her in better days was hanging on the wall. It was a professional portrait and she had her hair done up and make up on. Looking at my client on the bed, unable to speak, barely able to move, I barely saw the resemblance. That picture wasn't the person I knew and I felt a little distorted about the whole thing. For a brief moment, I was lost in my purpose.


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I've been a terrible employee lately. I leave late, I hurry through things that can be hurried, I don't participate in office bru ha ha has (aka meetings, etc). I set my own schedule and am on call, so techinically I don't have to do any of these things, and I'm never really late... but I know that when I get in the car that I had really wanted to leave 10 minutes earlier. This is a pretty good sign that something needs to change with this job.

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As I was massaging J today, he began to thank the lord for sending him comfort in his final days.