The First Day of School

I am feeling the anxiety pains of leaving a job I helped to create. 

I knew that when I left they would have trouble replacing me because of the qualifications required for the job. It's not that I'm extra qualified in the world of massage therapy. It's more that for this region I have the papers that say I know stuff. Hospitals like papers that say you know stuff. There are a few of us over here in the sticks, but not many. And of us, there are fewer who are up for the challenge of working with the terminally ill. 

I helped start and develop the MT portion of the hospice program here and I am worried that it will suffer with my absence. Part of the reason I needed to leave was the amount of work it took to start this program and grow my private practice at the same time.  It takes constant attention outside of the actual massages I give.   I needed to be there continually educated my coworkers and clients and remind everyone what I needed to happen to make this program work. This is fine if you can dedicate all your time to this process.  I was doing this very thing for my private practice and being a constant representative for two causes can be overwhelming. 

I am worried that when they find my replacement it will be months after my last day and the momentum of what I helped start will have waned. I worry. I feel like a mother sending her child to preschool. Will it be okay alone for a while, without me to nurture it? 

I have to have faith that it will survive and grow to be a better program.  I am of course sad that it wasn't me to make it great, but I did help get the thing off the ground. 

I can't forget my other child, the business that I started and is in desparate need of my attention. There are something there that I have neglected and need attending before they go awry.  

Time to let go...