This is what I was waiting for

The reason I started this journal was to explore my expierence with hospice as a massage therapist. I wanted to know if I could hack it. So far every aspect of this job has been a challenge. I have to work with a huge hosptial system, I have to be evaluated by the Department of Health, I have to document everything I do and say. I have to work with people I like and don't like and they are ALL dying. Some of them painfully, some quickly, some gracefully and some slowly.

It's been hard. It's been frusterating. Mind numbing and scream inducing. It's been rewarding, too. I've learned to talk to people I don't know. I've been a comfort to family members and clients who are in pain. It's all very overwhelmingly good and hard at the same time.

My grandmother was admitted to the hospice in her town today.

I didn't think I would be tested in my hospice journey in this way. This is what this journal for, however. To talk about this expierence. This last week has been tough, as every client is a grandmother in my eyes and I leave exhausted.

I will get through it and it will be fine.