Mantras

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. - Frank Herbert

How do we get through the day? We plan things. We say, Tomorrow I will do this. Next week this project is due" We think beyond our current moment or think of past moments and analyze them. Every once in a while Now catches up with us. We have stopped and the Now shows it's face and in that moment we recognize it. One of two things happen. We either exalt in inspiration or cower in fear.

We have our mantras, our Gods, our higher powers, our lucky charms to get us through those moments. When the moment has passed, we move forward, almost always forgetting about that profound moment, continuing in our pattern of past and future. Sometimes, when I am cowering in fear, repeating to myself "I must not fear, Fear is the mind killer..." it changes from the fear to the exhaltaion. I have a future to worry about and to plan for. I am what I create myself to be and I have the power to do it.

Two things happened this last week that lead to an experience of that nature. One event was very minor. It was an email quiz that asked "If you had one day to live, what would you do?" I couldn't answer it at first because I know what I day to live looks like and it doesn't leave a lot of options. I know this was a hypothetical question assuming that you could do anything you wanted, but I couldn't answer it that way. My 'now' was the truth of that situation and my fear was facing it. I must not fear... and the second truth of that matter is, I have many more days to live to that which I would want to do... "Tell them that I love them".

On the major side of things, my grandmother's health has improved enough, that she is no longer eligible for hospice. For the last 6 months I have been preparing for her death and impact on the family. I can't say how she feels about this, but I did try to imagine what it would be like. No longer will she go to bed at night wondering if she will wake up. She will have to start worrying about the future for a little while longer. It will be both exciting and frightening, I think.

I wonder if it is possible to live in the Now as an adult, or if it can only be these brief moments of fear and excitement. Does this change with the knowledge of dying?