She gave me hug, I should have known then.

I've been thinking about M. all day. When I saw her last week, she wasn't looking well at all. The visit was okay, but I really didn't feel good about it. I didn't feel like I was connecting with her like I usually did. She didn't always know where she was or who exactly I was, but she knew she liked me. M. gave me a hug good bye at the end of our last visit. I was a little surprised at the gesture because she had never done that previously. I had been under the impression that she didn't like hugs at all. Her son told me a story when I first starting seeing her about how she would maneuver across the room to avoid recieving a hug, and he was frankly surprised she was enjoying the massages I was giving her.

She passed away before I saw her again. I was surprised at first, but then when I remembered how my last visit went, I wasn't really that shocked at all. I was upset at first. I hadn't expected her to go this week. I was also upset that I didn't feel satisfied with my last visit. I could have done more, I SHOULD have done more. I was mentally waiting for certain things to happen that would clue me in that she was near her time, and I missed them. They were there, but I expected them to take another form.

I've been thinking about her all day.