Foot in the mouth

I feel like a complete idiot most of the time when I talk to family members.

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The other day I was standing around the office waiting for a meeting to start and owing to the odd configuration of our offices this meant that I was standing in front of bookcase trying to look inconspicuous while skillfully staying out of the way of passers-by going through the narrow hallway. The bookcase was filled with a variety of books related to death and dying. I picked out a paperback with black cover and white text splayed across the front in a manner which can be easily summed up as 'early eighties'. The title escapes me now because it was so similar to every other book in the case. Believe me when I say it was along the lines of "Death and Dying: The Final Destination of The Journey" or something equally enlightening. The author's name was decidedly Germanic with plenty of umlauts as well. The perfect cover for someone who was trying to look engrossed in standing around doing nothing. That wasn't the only reason I picked that book to read. When I opened the cover, on the inside in pencil was a name. I blinked and read the name again and realized her family had probably donated the book as a gift after she'd passed away. It was from the library of one of my favorite clients.

The woman in the book related a story about a young doctor who admittedly had never seen a dead person before. She started to talk about how we avoid being around people who are dying because we don't know what to say. We feel stupid being encouraging, because we know they will soon die. This was as far as I got before the meeting started and I put the book back.

I forgot about the book and what I read for the rest of the afternoon. It is that way with meetings I think. They are like television a lot of time. Your brain turns off and runs on auto pilot and you forget about things for a while. I think it has something to do with the fluorescent lighting.

It came back to me when I remembered this weeks visits and remembered the colossal foot I inserted into my mouth more than once this week. A lot of time I don't see the family members while I see a client. They leave the room, or they are not there (because they are in a nursing home) in first place. This week I had two new clients that were imminent, so they were surrounded by family. My massage skills did not suffer, nor my interaction with the clients... but with the families I kind of bungled it. Things as simple as "Are you going to the parade this weekend?" were answered with a simple "No, I'll be here" and a look that says "with my DYING mother!"

Both clients have since passed away. This means I won't have to face the families and possibly embarrass myself again. I also won't be able to say something more appropriate. This is where I remembered the book. I still have no idea what to say to people. I think most people just want to have normal conversations, but I never know. I think I may have to inconspicuously meander by that bookshelf again to find that book. Maybe it will tell me what to say. I'll let you know if it does.