Drama and Rejection

Thursday I was summarily rejected without second thought. I called B. to schedule her massage and her daughter answered the phone. She had just gotten in the Saturday before from Colorado to stay with her mother, so I explained who I was and I barely had time to finish before she just said, "No. Oh No, we're beyond that at this point," quite matter-of-factly. "Thanks for calling though!" she added. I spoke with her a little more but the whole time was fighting the feeling of utmost rejection.

She hadn't even considered what I offered for her mother. She did say she was sorry, but today wasn't a good day. She just blew me off like kitchen help. "No carrots today!" I was taking this way to personally.

****

Lately I've been feeling superflous. The clients I have currently have been hanging on quite a bit longer than their families expected and they are getting tired. They are tired of all the people in their homes every day of the week. They are tired of rearranging thier lives to take care of a dying family memeber. I see doubt in their eyes when i arrive as to what the point of my being there is. Just another person traipsing through their home.

With B. I felt a purpose with each vist. She enjoyed my company. She saw the value in my sometimes undervalued career. She seemed to know why I gave up a career in design for massage thearpy. Her daughter saw me as something extra and unneeded.

***

I knew there was some stigma attached to being a massage therapist. The most commonly asked questions are not: How can massage help me? or What is a massage like?

They are: "What if they have a hairy back or are disgustingly fat?" or "So, are you like that girl on seinfeld (or like phoebe on Friends)"?

Not only do I have to educate the community, the health industry, and my clients on the value of massage. I have to convince my friends and family I'm not a flake or a sitcom charecter. That I didn't sell myself short and waste my intelligence on something so servile.

I'm a lousy designer, but when it comes to massage I have a gift and passion that has allowed me to tackle challenges that I ran away from my entire life. How can I be selling myself short when it has given me strength face towards my fears... I may still sheild my eyes from fear, but I'm willing face it and hope it passes over me.