Stress and Decisions

I'm two months over due for my 6 month check up. At first it was a miscalculation. My life has become... complicated. Now that I know that I am over due, I still have not made an appointment. 


I have good reason. I don't like my doctor. The alternative in this small town is even worse, that guy is... well, not suited to my personality.  With my doctor, he does all the tests, then sends me 2 hours away to the Mayo Clinic to have them redo all the tests he just did. It is traumatic, time consuming, and exhausting. 


I'm also a little scared.  My life is exceedingly stressful. Just two minutes ago, I accidentally posted a private message on this blog that was a good indicator of where my stress is coming from. Luckily I deleted it in time, because it isn's something I can really share with the world.  


Today I noticed a patch of skin that peeled off at my scalp. It is pink and burns. I've had irregular periods for the last two months. This is a sure sign of stress... but considering my health history, it could be sign of something more. I am fairly certain that it is all stress related... but what if it isn't. It is a viscous cycle that I know going to the doctor will sort out. 


I just can't do it. I deal with with the added stress of waiting for test results, procedures, and the god awful conversation that I'm sure I'll have to have with my doctor.  I wish I could tell him to be silent and just not say a word. It would make things easier. 


Most of the time I'm pretty positive, but this week has been a struggle... being Monday, i hope that it isn't a harbinger of more trials to come. 


I keep telling myself, maybe next week.


I really need to receive some massage.