Some people just never wake up.

Yesterday, my cousin died. This is the first family death after starting work with hospice.

Of course the situation is completely different than a hospice related death. My cousin died suddenly for no appearant cause. My uncle is guessing sleep apniea, but I don't think they know for sure. The way I recieved the news was a bit of shock as well, because I haven't spoken to my uncle in two years, and that was at funeral of my grandmother, so there wasn't really 'talking' going on then, either. I didn't know who it was when he called.

I get calls telling me that someone died all the time. I got one this morning in fact. It's kind of like getting call that says, you can come in late to work today. It sounds odd and cold, and while your sad, you also know that your visit schedule has just changed and you need to make adjustments.

So when I took the call about his death, my first reaction was to make a note of it and say "okay, thanks for letting me know". It took me a second to realized this was more than that and then I completely flustered. I remembered to ask when the services were, but not where. And I didn't even think about getting a phone number encase there was questions.

I'm strangely sad and not sad about the situation. I can't say that I was close to my cousin, but that shouldn't matter. Maybe working with hospice has given me tools to handle personal dealths as well as those related to my profession. Maybe I'm cold and heartless... but I doubt it.